Giving Up or Moving On?
In Western culture, ‘giving up’ isn’t considered to be a positive quality. We teach our children that they must always persist, against the odds. We celebrate the underdog who came through because they were determined and we associate single-mindedly pursuing a goal with achieving happiness. Miller and Rosch (2007) suggest that “the notion that persistence is essential for success and happiness is deeply embedded in popular and scientific writing”.
However, in reality we know that sometimes giving up on a particular goal is the best thing for a person’s wellbeing. Research indicates that those who disengage from unattainable goals enjoy better mental health and rather than equating ‘giving up’ with failure, giving something up can be a positive choice in the circumstances.
One of the things we regularly talk about is resilience. How we learn from difficult situations, bounce back from adversity and ‘keep on keeping on’. In RocketEd we wrote a blog post entitled “Resilience in Difficult Times, and Always,” which you can read here. It makes clear that a key component of resilience is the process of learning during an experience, and sometimes failing. People who are resilient continually take stock of their situation and recalibrate their strategy to ascertain whether there may be a different or better way for them to move forward. Sometimes, ‘bouncing back’ means giving up what one is currently doing and changing path completely.
Resilience or burnout?
The difference between resilience and burnout can be hard to determine, perhaps because burnout tends to imitate resilience. People at their lowest ebb often keep going, or at least appear to on the surface but what seems to be determination and a tenacious desire not to give up can actually be what someone does when they don’t know what else to do.
Confusing resilience and burnout is risky, because they are very different. Continuing in a situation because you don't know what else to do or are too exhausted or low to stop is not the same as being resilient. Resilient people take stock of their situation, acknowledge where they are, decide what to do next and then do it. They recover from setbacks more easily than others. They learn from problems rather than dwelling on them. Getting back up after each setback is hard, really hard.
If you’re considering your options and deciding whether to make a change, here are 5 questions to consider in order to help you to make a resilient choice:
What is the goal, and who owns it? Is it what you really want to do, or are you doing it because stopping would disappoint someone else?
How much do you enjoy what you do? Does it give you a sense of purpose, fulfilment or vocation? If not, what can you do to ensure that it will?
Who is your future self and how fulfilled are they? Looking into the future can enable a person to focus on the benefits of the choice they are considering.
Are you climbing the right ladder? Joseph Campbell famously said that, “there is perhaps nothing worse than reaching the top of the ladder and discovering that you’re on the wrong wall.” Should you climb down the ladder and find one against the right wall?
Are you considering giving up or moving on? The answer to this title question depends, I guess, on the resilience of the person answering the question. If when assessing their situation a person realises that their current path is leading them away from their goals, desires and happiness, then giving up and changing that path might be their best option. Sometimes, moving on is the most resilient thing a person can do.
