What is Self Regulation?

Self regulation is the ability to understand and manage your behaviour and reactions to feelings, emotions and the things happening around you. When we’re not regulated, we might feel a bit ‘off’ and unable to give of our best. It’s a bit like trying to tune in a radio - if the dial’s not in the right place, the music might be glitchy, difficult to hear or it might fade in and out. When we are not regulated, we might find it hard to communicate clearly. We might not feel physically or mentally coordinated. We might fly off the handle at a seemingly small thing. We're just... not quite right.

Through experience, most adults have learned ways they can regulate themselves when they feel like this, whether taking a break, going for a walk, talking a problem through with a friend or colleague or distracting themselves in some way. Children may not know how to self-regulate and usually need adults to teach them ways of doing this, from when they are very young, so that they can learn the ultimate goal of self-regulation. Helping them to adopt a growth mindset can improve self-regulation through focusing on persistence and personal growth to achievement. When children are regulated they are calm, adjusted and ready to learn.

Six Ways to Self-Regulate

Getting Outside

Getting outside regulates our circadian rhythm which is the first and most primal step towards regulating the day. When the sun is out, we should be alert, and when the sun goes down our body should start to produce melatonin and as a result we should feel tired and ready for sleep. Spending too much time indoors or in artificial light can throw off our circadian rhythm making it more difficult to fall asleep and rise during standard times. So step one, get outside and get exposure to the sun!

Exercising

There's so much fantastic information about the importance of exercise. Physical activity isn't just great for physical health. It's great for mental health as well. Those who actively engage in physical activity see improvements in both emotional and behavioural regulation. One way to promote physical activity in the home is to get out there and do it too! Modelling what we want to see from our children is an effective way to build a habit into the family culture.

Using Coping Thoughts

When the pressure is on, frustrations may arise. Staying resilient and carrying on is key but sometimes anger, despair, and other negative emotions impact one's ability to keep calm and carry on. Try composing a realistic coping thought - if something is clearly wrong and you don’t feel regulated, the thought "nothing is wrong here, I feel fine" is not going to work. If your child is feeling distressed when completing maths homework, a coping thought that might help them regulate would be "I don't like doing my maths homework, but I can get through this by asking for help." More examples of coping thoughts are,

"These are just my feelings at the moment and eventually they will go away."

"I can keep taking deep breaths and remind myself that this feeling will pass."

"I can ask for something I need and deal with disappointment if I'm not able to get it."

"This is an opportunity for me to learn to cope with my fears."

Recognising Feelings and Levels of Arousal

Zones of Regulation (Kuypers, 2011) is a cognitive behaviour approach to support the development of self-regulation in children. Based on four coloured ‘zones’ it teaches children to identify their emotions, to identify their own triggers, to learn coping strategies and learn ways of self-regulating. Two key concepts are ‘the size of the problem’, that the size of the reaction should match the size of the problem, and ‘expected vs unexpected behaviour’ which looks at perspective taking and how one person’s behaviour affects the thoughts and feelings of the people around them.

Facing Strong Emotions

Blocking or avoiding strong emotions when they arise can give them even more power causing them to persist and recur. Emotional exposure is a strategy sometimes used in Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), purposefully experiencing an emotion in a controlled environment as a way to practice handling that emotion and becoming less fearful of it. In simple terms, we can help children using the same principle, by determining which emotion is problematic, allowing them to experience it in a safe way and then following up later with a conversation about how they brought themselves out of it again or what happened in their bodies and minds as the feeling subsided.

Mindfulness

This is fundamentally a practice of becoming more aware of the present moment with a focus on sensory and emotional processes. We like Kabat-Zinn’s (1994) definition, that mindfulness is “paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally.” Mindfulness helps children and adults change perspectives, calm down, listen and focus. Research indicates that it can be a factor in overall happiness and fulfilment.

Through developing techniques and skills including skills focused breathing and gratitude, mindfulness helps us learn how distance ourselves from our reactions, leading to greater focus and enhances feelings of calm and relaxation. In a review (2019) of 27 research studies, mindfulness was shown to improve attention, in turn helping to regulate negative emotions and higher-order thinking. This may not be, as is commonly believed, because mindfulness teaches us to ‘empty our heads’ - rather, research (Teper et al, 2013) indicates that mindfulness actually helps us become more aware and accepting of the emotional signals which help us to control our behaviour. In other words, helping children to notice their feelings at the earliest stages can enable them to take steps to avoid them becoming unmanageable.

RocketEd's Top Three Mindfulness Resources

There are so many fabulous resources for mindfulness for children, young people and adults. Here are our top three!

Headspace Meditation for Kids www.headspace.com/meditation/kids

Mindfulness for Kids www.mindful.org/mindfulness-for-kids/

Three Good Things www.ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/three-good-things